Obsession

 Obsession is a very interesting term. Here is an internet definition of it:  “It has a positive side and a negative. A healthy obsession is when you want to do something and you will always make time for it, not matter what. Late nights, early morning if you have to you will make certain sacrifices to achieve it.  Unhealthy is when it doesn’t happen for whatever reason and you feel panic and or guilt about it”.

When pondering Yeshua’s words in Matthew 22:27, quoted from Deuteronomy 6:5, regarding the “first commandment”: "… you shall love YHVH your Elohim with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might”, I began to contemplate my relationship to it.  How do those words influence my everyday life?  How much of my day is involved in carrying out this command? How important or deep is my love, on those three levels for the One I call YHVH/Father or Yeshua?

It seems that we are born with an inherent need to give ourselves completely to this ‘thing’ called “love”.  But often love is more of a mystery that is hidden from us, yet so much a part of our being that without it our person and our very existence would wither. Is this the reason that Yeshua and the Torah command us to love our Heavenly Father with our entire being? Or is it to discover that in the present condition which is still influenced by the power of sin, we are totally incapable of keeping or carrying out this imperative?

Having had a one-time experience in my life, of being obsessed with what I then termed “love”, I remember how my thoughts, emotions, and actions – that is the entirety of my person - were totally preoccupied with the object of this passion. At the time, I obviously wasn’t aware of its danger and effect on future relationships. Mistaking this obsession for “love”, I held on to a distorted view or impression of the reality of “love”, although to some degree I did expect trust, faithfulness, honesty, and integrity to characterize this “love affair”. However, these expectations were not met and the obsession proved itself to be perhaps more of an infatuation, or a pipe dream. Thus, this became a negative experience. 

After I became a believer in the New Covenant, through divine intervention and an act of faith, the long journey to healing my bruised heart and changing negative thoughts and emotions began.  I was born again into and by the love of Yeshua who gave Himself up so that I would experience forgiveness and healing.  As true as that statement is, I still find myself asking the original question about the commandment:  Am I loving a Holy Elohim with all my heart, and with all my soul, and with all my strength?  I don’t know about you, but I’m not there. Even after 50 years of being a believer, I cannot claim to be obsessed with being in love with Yeshua and His Father. Yes, I do appreciate everything that they are to me, my family and friends, and life in general, and I am very thankful.  Yet even after being in “full-time service” for 25 years, I cannot claim to have succeeded in keeping that first commandment, and most likely not the second one, “love your neighbor as yourself”, either. I don’t even come close to the love that the Father has for my brother or a neighbor, let alone to my enemy.

I think a lot about the word “intimacy” with Yeshua or the Father and wonder if when the time comes He will say, “You did many wonderful things in My name but I never knew you”. Or, ‘You really never loved Me to the point of giving up your life for Me as a living sacrifice’.  Or, that He would look at me like He did at the rich young man who couldn’t give up his possessions to follow Yeshua (see Matthew 19:16-22).

One thing for sure, in my weakness and with all my inabilities, His love is sure and steadfast. Maybe the idea of that first commandment is that He is showing me that He loves me with all His heart, mind, and strength?

Indeed, the first epistle of John 4:19 declares that we were not the ones who loved Elohim first, but it is He who loved us first. His entire Word attests to this unchangeable fact. And although Elohim calls Himself "I am that I am", and literally "I will be what/who I will be" (Ex. 3:14), and "the first and the last" in Isaiah 44:6, John also says in his first epistle that Elohim is light (1:5), and David proclaims in Psalm 34:8 that He is good. However, the most sublime, all-inclusive, and quintessential "definition" of Elohim (defining Elohim, is that even possible"?) is Love - Elohim IS love (1 John 4:8, 16). 

It would appear then that all of His other attributes and characteristics are encapsulated by love. It was this love that put Yeshua on the cross, and allowed us to be forgiven and then resurrected with Elohim's Son. By extension, the resurrected life with which He raised us is 'made' of love, nothing less. Our Redeemer-Lover-Elohim possesses us by His love, which is our very life. Hence, love is our essence too. It is longing and bursting to be expressed to Him who IS LOVE. ‘Abba, please break all barriers that inhibit us, that stop us, that hinder us from expressing our true nature of love back to You’!